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This Woeful Wondering

/ Walden World / Leave a comment

 To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy—to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore.  

Jude 24-25


We live in a broken, fallen world. Every day, I wake up and struggle with that. As a wife and mother, most days I wrestle with feeling overwhelmed by my daily tasks. There is always something that needs to be done, but this season is precious! How do I savor the sweet moments with littles while also keeping the house clean? Sleep doesn’t feel restful, because there is too much to be done, and when I actually close my eyes it seems brief. On top of everything, there is this gnawing anxiety in my stomach regarding the future. Where will we go? What will our nation be like? What is going to happen to my children? What will their years as parents entail?


51/2 years ago, I became a mama. It was—apart from marriage—the most sobering transition I’ve faced so far. I carried this tiny baby in my womb, and suddenly, she was out in the world and we were magically parents. Did this mean I would know how to meet her needs? Not necessarily. I had to figure it out.
Now, almost 6 years later, I have two more precious babes and life has been a whirlwind. I have loved every minute—even the messy, disorganized, smelly ones. But, some days, admittedly, I feel like I am barely surviving…barely hanging on by the thread of my last cup of [insert caffeine-infused drink here].

Recently, my heart has felt heavy. In just a matter of decades, this country has rapidly changed. In my heart, it feels like things continue to get worse. And I am grieved. I walk around daily wondering how we could ever move into it. But then I realized: it may not be that this world has gotten worse. Maybe I’m just noticing its fallen nature more. I remember years ago crying out to the Lord regarding my own heart:

Father, I want to do this well. Show me. I don’t want to feel drained of energy constantly, and discouraged because my heart is finding hope in the temporal. Help!

In a [rare] quiet moment that day, He whispered,
I am here. I am for you. I love you. I am holding you. In every season, in every transition, whatever the circumstance, I do not change. Embrace my fearless love. Rest in my unchanging ways. Cling to me as your hope. And remember that in everything, I am God. I am in control. You are not meant to merely survive. Run to me each morning. Lay your burdens on me; I can handle it. In doing that, you will flourish.

The truth is: this world is no worse than it was after the Fall. Hurting people have–and always will–continue to hurt other people, ultimately because they have lost sight of (or never saw) their need to be whole. But the beauty of beholding brokenness is found in the grace of recognizing our need for rescue. This world and its desires will continue to deteriorate around us–and believers may suffer–but there is hope in knowing Christ! He alone is our solid Refuge and Strength(Psalm 46:1), and He is in control. No matter what happens, we can rest in His sovereign will. We can stop, fix our gaze on Him, and endure well–prayerfully engaging in opportunities to point others to Him.

Beloved friends, do not lose heart! Wherever you are this morning, however you feel, whatever you face, stop and take a moment to meditate on who God is(Psalms 103-104)! He is the Creator, the Holy One, the perfect Redeemer. As we fix our eyes on Him, the wearying circumstances of earth will surely grow strangely dim, and our hearts will press on in encouraged certainty. Oh, to have a heart fully fixed on his face! Oh, to rest in who He is! May our fickle hearts find peace in Him alone!


Other helpful avenues of encouragement:

1.  Seek out community. Specifically biblical community through a local body of believers(Hebrews 10:23-24). God has not called you to live out this purpose alone. Find a friend or a group of friends to walk alongside and pray with you. It helps, I promise. Plus, you’ll meet some wonderful people. In every season, God has provided faithful friendships that have spanned our marriage, despite many life transitions. Just recently I was thanking God for providing godly and goofy friends–those people with whom I can breathe and life feels a little less lonely. It has been a rich blessing and I am grateful.

  2.  Pray. By yourself. With another woman. Both. You will be reminded of what God is doing and how to continue praying to that end. Plus, you’ll become more aware of your daily dependence on Christ (2 Chronicles 7:14, John 15:5)
3.    Memorize the Word. Find a passage to claim over this situation and know. Chew on it daily until it is burned in your mind. That way, when the Enemy tries to attack, you can fight him with the inerrant, infallible, sufficient promises of God. Let this very word counsel your weary, restless heart. (Psalm 119:23)
  4.  Pour out. For me personally, when the hard days come, I ask the Lord for opportunities to serve Him—whether through checking in on a friend, writing a note, making a care package for someone, etc. I’m learning there are many ways to creatively love people even when you’re tied down by a busy schedule. Psalm 126:6 is one of my favorite promises–the Lord will be honored when we seek to invest rather than isolate.
5.  Be vulnerable. Share your struggles. The more open and honest you are with others about how you have been challenged, the more opportunities you have to share about what God has done! As a dear friend and mentor once told me, “We’re all in this boat together. We just need to know we’re not alone”. And chances are(as I’ve learned) you aren’t.

What about you? What is your calling today? This week? In this season of life? Who are your “people”? What is your burden? Surrender it to the Father.

He is more than able to keep you from falling…

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Why Bother?

/ Walden World / Leave a comment

Gather. You’ve seen this word a million times. Hanging over the dining room table at your friend’s house, on the wall of the fellowship hall at your church, painted on artfully arranged coffee table blocks at your favorite cafe. And yet, I think we’ve all taken it’s meaning for granted. The chaos of this past year has somehow managed to seep into 2021 and we’re losing steam, aren’t we? For most of us, the idea of starting fresh held so many promises. But as so often happens, the shine of the new year is already blemished, and that lofty thought of starting over has lost its appeal.

This past Sunday, I was reminded of the need–my need–to be with people. This is a confession, of sorts—one that this introvert never imagined making. But here I am, admitting my dependence. I–the one who is very easily “spooked” by people–need people. But not just anyone and everyone–the people of God. And this is something I feel in my bones especially now. Over the past year, we’ve seen violence, death, sickness, fighting and everything in between. It has taken my breath away more often than not. But a surprising grief has overcome me–trickling in carefully and consistently the longer I push it down. This is a sadness that can’t be realized until it becomes deafening. It has moved me to my knees, and given me a longing for home.

When I consider what the people of God have endured throughout history, I am humbled at their perseveration through perseverance. The ancient heroes of the faith were not unfamiliar with suffering. They knew it well. It surrounded every breath, step and thought. Yet they were unafraid. Some experienced the loss of family members and friends–some even suffered unto death. But this was not a reason to cower in fear. In fact–it prompted a renewed vigor to remain steadfast, to pray without ceasing, to rejoice and to be thankful.

This is not so today. As I’ve observed the people of God–my own heart included–I sense a heartbreaking spirit of fear and apathy. Those words are not often linked, but here nothing pairs better. 2020 was horrendous. I never want to relive it, and I recognize that so many have suffered loss in ways I could never understand. I am familiar with my own demons, and understand the weight of hard days. There have been seasons where hopelessness drags on within and I have to fight to consider whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, commendable, lovely, excellent and worthy of praise.

But the truth that continues echoing in my mind–particularly in those dark moments–is: are we not meant to suffer? The King of Kings emptied himself that He might bring us into complete communion with God. In His perfect goodness, Jesus came, suffered and died. Isn’t it a gift to endure suffering well that He might be glorified? And yet I see fear encircling everything we do, threatening to overtake our lives. We do not serve. We do not meet together. We do not look for opportunities to gather and worship. All because we live parlayzed. I confess that I have even avoided opportunities that I could have taken because of this very thing.

But on Sunday I was gently reminded that this is not who we are. I recognize that every circumstance and conviction is different, so please do not hear me condemn. I realize that wisdom must be at the foundation of every decision; we must live cautiously(please don’t do anything foolish)!

But I am pleading: if at all possible–could we make it a priority to be together? To worship together? To serve together?

redeemingthemundane

Isolation is not healthy, nor is it really necessary for everyone. As far as it depends on you, could you prayerfully consider joining your local Body of Believers?

This year has already left us feeling defeated and discouraged. And this world is full of brokenness. But this is not where we place our hope! The Gospel was, is and always will be enough. And the Lord promises that–although we will suffer–He will hold us fast.

We can rest in who He is, and we can lean into the promises of His word alongside biblical community as often as we’re able. We will suffer, but we don’t have to endure it alone.

redeemingthemundane 
7 But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8 Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— 10 that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.  --Phil. 3:7-11
23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.---Hebrews 10:23-25

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.---1 Thess. 5:16-18

9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit,[a] serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.
--Romans 12:9-13

Rest on a Friday

/ Walden World / 2 Comments

Well, I’m writing from the comfort of my bed this afternoon. This is not something I had planned. In fact, since it is the day after Thanksgiving, I had every intention of letting the Christmas festivities commence. You’re going to laugh…but since 2020 has been a heck of a year I took the opportunity last week to put up my beloved Christmas village and sprinkle bits and pieces of Christmas all around the house. I was careful to preserve the dining room(the center of Thanksgiving dinner), and I tried desperately to save the Christmas music I knew so well for my quiet, solo moments (I didn’t want to exhaust the melodies of Christmas for the rest of my family)! And so today was reserved for indoor Christmas lights(because I put the outdoor lights up last week…when in Vermont one must seize the opportunity during warmer days!) , ornaments and the rest of the house. But…here I am, sniffling my way through a very drowsy morning-turned-afternoon.

It is this kind of day that could make the more productive(or, I should say productivity-seeking) personalities among us(like myself) frustrated. Gosh, I am so thankful that our God is not this way.

HE doesn’t see these rest-filled moments(that masquerade as laziness in my own heart) as wasteful, but rather a necessary reprieve. And isn’t that needed perspective?

I have been camping out in Psalm 119 the past week, and—let me tell you—it has been a balm for my soul! I’m learning that as a mama to three little bitties, my very forgetful brain meditates better when I’m chewing on the same passage weeks at a time. The Psalmist continually speaks of life found in the Word(17, 25, 37,50, 88, 93, 107, 116, 149, 154, 156, 159). Today my physical body is failing me(only in a minor way, but I am still hindered by how weakened this cold has made me). It reminds me of the truth that this life—this body, this world—is not my home. The Lord is ever-refining that I may daily be brought to that remembrance. And there is such goodness in that!

But I wouldn’t have noticed(not today, at least) if my mind was consumed by the Christmas chaos I had planned. No; because my schedule changed entirely, my mind has remembered the source of true rest—found in Christ alone. And that(however frustrated I am, and however foiled I found my plans) is exactly what I needed.

It seems so fitting that the Lord has given me pause before my very favorite(and always busy) time of year. It is His gentle reminder to stop, fixing my eyes on Him, and rest in WHO He is. As we near the Advent season, I’m so grateful He has hushed my restless heart; so humbled that He’s not exasperated to correct me(yet again) but peaceably calls me to quiet reflection. It is a perfect faithfulness of which I am undeserving. 

This blessing has fallen to me, that I have kept your precepts. ~ Psalm 119:56

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! ~ Psalm 27:14

Who’s the New Girl?

/ Walden World / Leave a comment

Hi! I’m new here. You may be asking yourself–WHO I am and WHY I’m writing. Understandable. Some days I do that very thing. Here’s the skinny…

I’m a mama. That’s my job. I’m not a craft genius(although I do love a good project), a podcaster(even though I can talk quite a bit…)and I don’t even have a regular or part-time job outside of being here…in my home. This may sound like a complaint. It isn’t! But what I’ve noticed in my brief time on the blogosphere is that most people have a more concrete reason for writing than mine…which is simply to write.

At the beginning of 2020(whew…what a year!) my third little love was born. He was my first boy. And though I wasn’t new to parenting, I felt wearier than ever! It may have been the combination of COVID-19, world events, another life transition, or the fact that this is year 3 of being a seminary wife(more on that later 🙂 ). Whatever it was, I realized I felt tired. In the past writing has always been a solid means of rejuvenation. Usually for me–a proud INFJ–my spare time is usually spent reading or journaling. But why make it public? Because–as I’m realizing more and more– I’m not an isolated case. There are more of you like me out there, I just know it! So here I am… praying that what I write resonates with you somehow, too.

I WANT TO…

encourage and exhort

|A SNIPPET|

Here, you’ll find…

  • yummy and easy recipes[tested and true]
  • thoughts to encourage and inspire
  • truth in my transparency
  • family moments
  • helpful life hacks
  • funny anecdotes
  • family resources
  • a weekly playlist!
  • Biblical meditation

You may have just stumbled along this page, and you might not think you’ll glean anything. That’s okay. However if you’re still reading after my ramblings, thank you. Your presence here means more than you know. ❤